Have Today

Because it's the only day you have

Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love.” — Marcus Aurelius

The other day, I treated myself to one of life’s little pleasures, a massage. After several weeks of an intense emotional roller coaster, traveling across the country, and sleeping restlessly for a week on a child’s Coleman cot, my body was craving some loosening touch.

My longtime favorite massage spot is a Chinese reflexology place in the shadow of the downtown skyscrapers. I’ve been coming here since I was in my 20’s (when it wasn’t quite as “respectable” as it is now), and it’s not only the cheapest massage in town, but the best.

For several years, the woman I saw, whose “American” name was Susan, knew exactly how much pressure to apply and had a miraculous knack for finding the right acupressure points that left me feeling relaxed and no longer in pain. In time, we became friends. Over the years, her halting, but improving English (and my forever rudimentary Mandarin) helped us converse about more than than just the basics.

It’s been a year since I was last in town. Susan has since moved on, so this visit, I met “Mary,” a new arrival. Smiling and pleasant, Mary greeted me with gestures and cheerful, one-word instructions. I tried to converse a little in English and Mandarin, but she was very shy about talking. However, she gave me a wonderfully skilled, healing massage.

At the end of our session, I thanked her in my poorly accented Mandarin, “Xie Xie!” She was so surprised she burst out giggling (or maybe it was because my accent is really that bad). But, she gathered herself and, as if to show she could speak English as well as I could speak Mandarin, she offered her version of the standard American farewell: “Have Today!”

This time, I burst out giggling. Not because she said the wrong thing (or because, like me, her accent wasn’t correct), but because she said the absolute right thing! Not “Have a Good Day,” but simply, “Have Today!”

Neither a good day, nor a bad day, but to-day. Because today is the only day you do have! This moment.

I hope you aren’t tired of me using my own life to illustrate a spiritual principle, because I am going to do it again. Rather than quoting obscure spiritual texts ad nauseum (which I do enjoy, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea), it’s sometimes easier and more effective to share a personal story that exemplifies what I am trying to say. Plus, it’s my nature to look at everything I experience through a spiritual lens.

One of the reasons I needed a massage is that for the past two weeks, I have been in my hometown to care for my elderly father whose medical condition has worsened. Like many people who are confronted with diminishing capacities, he is often angry, frustrated and sad. It’s hard to accept the decline you don’t want, especially when that decline is rapid and permanent.

By the time I arrived, he was waking up each morning feeling exhausted and weak, and before he had even opened his eyes, the first words out of his mouth were, “Not a good day.”

“Dad,” I said as I stood beside his bed. “You woke up. You’re alive! That means today is already a good day!”

“But,” he protested, “I can’t….”

“It may not be as exciting as driving your car or going to work, but aren’t you glad you’re here and I’m here and we get another day to be together?”

Reluctantly he agreed.

“And I can make you French Toast for breakfast. With real maple syrup. Would you like that?”

His face lit up. It was the first smile I had seen in a week.

While he was eating, I told him the story of Mary the Masseuse. “Have Today, Dad.”

It was the second smile I saw.

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Many traditions teach that as soon as we distinguish between what is “good” from what is “bad,” we create the recipe for suffering. Buddhists, Daoists and Hindus are especially insistent on this. The minute we decide that something is bad, we want it to change to whatever we think would be better. When it doesn’t - or can’t - change, we get angry, frustrated and depressed.

Think about it: how many times in a day do you pass judgment on the moment, deciding it is “good,” or “bad,” and then find yourself in a foul mood, angry and frustrated? How often do you wake up already convinced the day sucks, or go to bed telling yourself that the day was horrible? If you’re like the rest of us, it’s more often than you think.

Psychologists say that whatever you tell yourself eventually becomes your truth, so if you keep telling yourself that “it sucks,” it’s going to feel that way (and you might even subconsciously do things to make it suck just so you can prove your point).

The more my father said it was a “bad day,” the greater the possibility of it actually being a “bad day.” And the more “bad days” he had, the more miserable he would be, and the shorter his remaining time. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to spend my life - however long or short - with nothing but bad days. I’d much rather have a lifetime of todays.

The Xin Xin Ming (or Trust in Mind), an early Zen Buddhist text written by Seng-ts’an, the Third Dhyana Patriarch, clearly states:

The Way is only difficult for those who pick and choose;
Do not like, do not dislike; all will then be clear.
Make a hairbreadth difference, and Heaven and Earth are set apart;
If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against.
The struggle between “for” and “against” is the mind’s worst disease;

In other words, the more we create the duality in our minds between good and bad, right and wrong, for and against, the more we suffer. When we allow ourselves to rest in “today,” we can accept everything for what it is in peace.

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I have to say that a massage definitely helps make today into a better day. So does French Toast with real maple syrup. But even in the absence of those things, if we can practice telling ourselves “Have Today,” we are more likely to have more “good days,” than “bad” ones.

So, Have Today! Everyday!

“Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.” - Thich Nhat Hanh