Peace is a Process
And it's messy
“Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice.” – Spinoza
After almost two years of war in Gaza/Israel, more than that in Ukraine, 12 days of war to eliminate Iran’s nuclear capabilities, Houthi attacks in the Red Sea, and fears about WWIII, not to mention the several other brutal conflicts happening globally and the deeply divisive conflicts here at home, the world is crying for peace. Enough already! Can’t we all just get along?
Believe me, I would like to wake up each morning without a foreboding sense of doom and despair, but often what people think is peace is not actually peace. In conventional thought, peace is considered to be nothing more than the absence of conflict. We imagine a utopian future in which we’re all holding hands and singing Kumbaya around the campfire. That’s not only naïve; it’s dangerous. Peace isn’t a Tik-Tok video; it’s a process and it’s messy.
The word shalom in Hebrew (salaam in Arabic), means, “Hello,” “Goodbye” and “Peace,” and involves much more than the absence of conflict. Shalom, which is derived from the word shalem, meaning whole or complete, expresses wholeness, and well-being encompassing physical, spiritual, and social harmony. It's an ideal state of affairs where justice, righteousness, and loving-kindness prevail.
The concept of Shalom is deeply rooted in Jewish scriptures and traditions, emphasizing its importance as a core value. In Judaism, the instruction is to “pursue peace.” Mosaic law (the commandments given at Sinai) are the Biblical formula for the wholeness of peace. In other words, there are things you have to do in order for there to be peace. Incidentally, there are NO actual long-term examples of that ideal of peace in the Bible. It’s a story of people constantly working it out in all kinds of ways, failing, and trying again. Sometimes, there are small moments of peacefulness, but real, lasting peace remains elusive, coming only with the Messiah or in the World to Come (according to those traditions).
In Buddhism, peace is described as the absence of suffering, and like the Ten Commandments, there is a prescription for the elimination of suffering. It’s called the Eight-Fold Path. Hinduism calls it Shanti, and the concept is similar to the Hebrew one: a holistic balance of harmony and wellbeing. The yamas and niyamas are Hinduism’s peace practices. Even Daoism has principles and practices that are designed to bring about peace, both internally and externally: flexibility, simplicity, harmony, and non-contention. Clearly, all our faith and wisdom traditions tell us that peace requires our dedicated effort: it’s not a divine intervention, but a very human, very difficult, process.
In other words, peace is a practice. As Spinoza says, it’s a state of mind that both produces and requires certain actions, such as benevolence and justice. While there might be an emotional “feeling” of peace, the true spiritual understanding isn’t a bliss-bunny fantasy of warm fuzzies: it’s wrestling with our all-too-human inclination toward conflict, both internally and with others.
In fact, there’s a famous Talmudic story of the angels debating with God about whether or not He should create humans. One angel says “yes” because humans are capable of kindness; another says “no” because humans are just argumentative by nature. Of course, God goes ahead and creates humans – argumentative and kind, hateful and loving. And here we are, still trying to figure out how to make peace…in spite of ourselves.
Essentially, peace is messy, elusive, and in many cases, frustratingly difficult to achieve. It’s also not static, but a continual process. That’s why it’s an ideal, something to reach for and aspire towards. “Peace on earth” makes a good slogan (not unlike “Visualize world peace”), but all our traditions tell us that it takes more than wishful thinking or snappy slogans to bring peace: it’s a process that requires actions, practice and, ultimately patience.
Most of us are conflict-avoidant: conflict can be painful and hard, whether in our own hearts and minds, in interpersonal relationships, or on the global level. Given the choice, we often choose to avoid conflict, instead of working our way through it. Yes, peace is preferable to conflict, but peace that comes from avoidance isn’t peace: it’s just détente.
To avoid conflict or disharmony in our own selves, we distract ourselves, numb out or bypass the issues through spirituality, rationality, or indulgent “self-care.” In our personal relationships, we often “give in” or “shut up” just to “keep the peace.” We hide our feelings or thoughts, or downplay them, because we “don’t want to get into it” with someone else.
On a global level, when diplomacy fails for one reason or another, we often try to strategize or bomb our way to peace, content to force “peace,” instead of building the structures that would foster it. Or, those of us not in power march in the streets “demanding” peace without fully considering (or participating in) the complexities and processes of achieving it. In all these cases, what we end up with isn’t peace, just a lull in hostilities. Sooner or later, it will erupt again, with disastrous consequences, whether in our personal lives or political ones.
I like to think of “Conflict” and “Peace” not as opposites, but on a spectrum of possibility, two sides of the same coin. Peace isn’t the absence of conflict but a process of managing it. The two are always in tension with one another, and either that tension fosters creative solutions and communication, or avoidance, power games or destruction. Sometimes, there’s a trial-and-error process, in which parties in conflict test each other and the situation to determine whether or not peace is possible. Each party has to assess their own willingness to engage in the painstaking process of peace, and how far they are willing - and able - to go to achieve it.
The process of peace requires trust, honesty, openness and communication. It requires a genuine desire and willingness to hear the other party, admit wrongdoing or stand up for ourselves, and a determination to do differently, not to save face or calm someone down, but because we genuinely see that what we are doing isn’t working. It takes both parties to recognize that tension and find a compromise that comes from honest self-assessment and a deep desire for things to change for the better for all. It’s not always comfortable or easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
Ultimately, peace requires a practical understanding, not an idealistic one. It’s about what works; not what is easy or should work. And sometimes, what works isn’t what we like. We don’t like bombing, wars, or punishing tariffs. We don’t like deportations or prisons. Rightly so; these things are painful, morally difficult, deeply dehumanizing, and often breed more conflict. But sometimes, they work.
We also don’t like what my mother used to refer to as “Tough Love.” When my teenaged, rebellious self refused to come home by curfew, I got grounded. I didn’t like it, my mother didn’t like it, but in the end, it worked. After the punishment got my attention, and my parents explained why my late nights weren’t working for them (or ultimately, for me), as much as I didn’t want to leave the party by midnight, I did so because I didn’t want to hurt my parents or get grounded again.
I am NOT advocating for punishment or war as a first option for conflict resolution (and neither do our traditions), but sometimes, that’s what it takes to get our attention, especially if we are seriously self-absorbed or recalcitrant. At that point, we might be more willing to come to the negotiating table, ready to hear why the other party needs us to change. In the best-case scenario, we can also hear our own conscience, too.
Though much of modern spirituality contends that “peace begins within” and that the way to peace with others is to find peace within ourselves, I actually think that’s an oversimplification suggesting that we all have to be blissed-out Buddhas before we can have peace. Good luck with that.
Rather, I think “peace within” means that we are actively cultivating Spinoza’s state of mind and disposition towards benevolence, confidence and justice, or the attitude of peace: a willingness to sit with and understand conflict rather than running from it; to hear and act with empathy; to see peace as an expression of wholeness and harmony, not necessarily uniformity; and to explore own egoic needs and the stuck narratives we have about the need for power or approval.
This process of peace doesn’t always feel good, and in our “feeling-centered” spiritual world, we need to remember that. Sometimes, we have to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone to achieve peace. This is true whether we are talking about our personal relationships or geopolitical ones.
While Donald Trump might covet the Nobel Peace Prize, the rest of us aren’t in the running. We are, however, in a race to forge a badly needed peace amongst ourselves. No one wins any medals for pummeling another person with our opinions online; no one wins awards for canceling, silencing or punishing difference; no one gets a prize for forcing another person to back down or back out. We can’t just order or bully our way to peace.
We do, however, have the opportunity to wage peace when we actively, openly and generously give others the opportunity to hear and listen to our needs, and make the choice to meet the needs of others in the spirit of kindness, collaboration, and care. There’s no guarantee, however; it depends on our maturity and willingness to let go of our own preference to have things our way all the time. Many of us need to work on that.
Ultimately, we might all imagine we are listening to the angels from that famous Talmudic story debate about whether or not we should be given life, knowing we are capable of both conflict and peace: the choice - and the work - is ours.
Peace is not simply the absence of war. It is not a passive state of being. We must wage peace, as vigilantly as we wage war. - The 14th Dalai Lama
Dear Lauryn it is so important to consider peace as something to do, and something that is doable, and real work that is worth doing. The confusion with peace is that it is a huge task that somehow needs to be everlasting. Too bad nothing is everlasting, and as you say peace a continual process. Thank you.
Thank you Lauryn 🙏💜 While I may not be able to achieve world peace on my own I work daily to find the peace within myself and to hold that as a center to return to when I forget myself. I work to respond rather than react, and I've been asking myself "if I say or do this will I be helping or be part of the problem? " Happiness, peace, joy, saddness, pain, etc... Are all temporary and it's a constant practice to remain compassionate to myself and others when so much is swirling out of our control on the outer world. ☯️💫