The Power of Wow
Apologies to Eckhart Tolle
As many of you know, in addition to writing this Substack and a book, I am a Hospice Chaplain. It is a true honor and privilege to walk beside people at the end of their lives. Though sometime heart-wrenching work, I learn so much from my patients and their families. There is something about being powerless in the face of mortality that brings you to a deep vulnerability, spirituality, and wisdom. If you want to know what really matters, spend time with dying people.
I have a patient, Rose (not her real name), who is 104. Yes, 104. She’s a tiny woman, maybe 4’6” and 80 pounds soaking wet, but fully healthy except for the consequences of an aging heart, weak muscles, and a little dementia. Gratefully, she has no pain and takes no medications. But, at 104, her time is limited. She spends her days with her loving caregiver (this woman is a true saint), watching the birds and neighbors from the window, keeping up with politics (she really wants to make it to the election), and the tennis matches at Wimbledon and the US Open. She loves tennis, and apparently was an accomplished player at one point (the trophies are still on the bookshelf, along with many pictures of her family, almost all of whom are long gone). She cheers each point loudly like a true fan and occasionally makes some racy comments about how handsome the young male players are!
Whenever I come visit, she greets me with a huge smile and outstretched arms.
“Wow! You’re here again!” She gestures for me to come sit beside her. “I love you!” she says and showers me with kisses.
I tell her I love her, too (and I really do), give her a big, soft hug and kisses on her tiny cheeks. She always grabs my hands to look at them.
“Wow! Look at your hands!” she says, as if she has never seen hands such as mine.
There’s nothing special about my hands, but she turns them over and over as if they are rare treasures. On the other hand, her delicate little fingers are half the size of mine, and her nails are always perfectly painted.
Last week, her nails were bright red with glitter on them.
“Look at your beautiful nails!” I exclaimed.
Her watery eyes widened and she gazed at her hands as if they were magical creatures. We both watched the sparkles catch the sunlight coming through the window.
“Wow!” she said and wiggled her fingers excitedly. “Wow! Wow! Wow!” Her face lit up with enthusiasm and wonder.
A few weeks ago, Rose’s “Wow,” was hot dogs. She LOVES hot dogs. Especially from Walter’s Hot Dogs, a long-defunct hot dog shop in the Bronx. I have never heard anyone wax so poetic about hot dogs. Ever. “Wow! Hot dogs!” She said over and over. Her caregiver had to make her hot dogs for lunch that day. Though she could only eat a few bites, she relished them, smacking her lips in ecstasy.
A few weeks before that, it was pickles. She loves pickles, too. But only real Kosher dill ones. In the barrel. Like the ones she used to get when she was a child. “Wow! Pickles!” She says. I brought her some homemade dill pickles the next week. She managed to eat half of one, licking her lips lovingly after each bite. Anything with bacon will always get a resounding “Wow! Wow! Wow!” She absolutely adores bacon. Even the politicians on TV get a full-throated “Wow!,” incredulous as that might seem.
Yesterday, though, it was the moon. Rose wants to go to the moon and insisted I go with her.
“Why are we going to the moon, Rose?” I asked.
“Because it’s there. And its so far away. And it’s a mystery. Wow!”
“Wow!” I said and actually got excited about the trip. Apparently, there is also opera on the moon; La Traviata, her favorite, and we have tickets.
But first, she told me, we will be going deep sea diving to see the fish that live in the dark. “They have such big eyes,” she said. “Wow!”
“Wow!” I guess I have some travel in my future.
Now, I am not claiming any scientific proof for this, but I suspect that “Wow” is how Rose got to be 104 in the first place. From what I understand, she has always been this way: curious and excited by life. I suspect the same “Wow!” is what keeps her going now, even though she lives wheelchair-bound inside her house. For Rose, there is always something to be excited about. Hot dogs, pickles, bacon, glitter, an election….
“Wow” keeps Rose in the present (The Power of Wow in the Now), not regretful of the past or fearful of the future, like many of my other patients. “Wow!” gives her a reason to get up in the morning, put on her clothes, and be wheeled over to the window to watch the hummingbirds, wide-eyed. “Wow!” is what keeps her engaged in life, not dwelling over death.
Many traditions talk about the Kingdom of God being given to those who are “like a child.” Even the Dao De Jing verse 55 says the sage is like a child:
“The child is one with the Tao,
living within harmony and grace.
This is why the child
finds eternity within a single day.”
Rose is definitely “child-like,” though not in the least bit childish. Her wonder is genuine, and like a child’s, the mystery of life is still very much alive for her. She lives in a wonderland playground filled with delight, and, as far as I know from her daughter and caregiver, she always has.
That said, Rose is not a religious woman. She doesn’t care much for God. She makes poo-poo faces whenever her caregiver wants to pray for her and tries to make her say, “Amen” at the end. Last week, she even stuck out her tongue at the suggestion! It was extremely funny and we all laughed hard, even Rose.
But, I would suggest that Rose is a deeply spiritual woman, and her spirituality centers on awe. Everything is awesome for Rose. Everything. From the neighbor walking his dog to the politicians on TV. From the fresh tomatoes on her plate to the moon. She is even awed that she wakes up each morning, or so her caregiver tells me. She wakes up saying, “Wow! I’m awake again!” It’s all a miracle to Rose. Like the Daoist child-sage, she “finds eternity in a single day.”
If I could offer many of my other patients one thing, it would be a small bit of Rose’s “Wow!” It might make their waning days a bit more joyful and easeful. In fact, if I could offer anyone a gift, it would be just a little bit of “Wow!” I try to remind myself of Rose’s “Wow!” when things start to feel a little overwhelming or hard. It helps.
In fact, take a moment, right now, and find one thing to marvel about. I don’t care if it’s hot dogs or hot rods, the blue skies or your own belly button. But let yourself be truly awed by its existence and the fact that you have the blessed opportunity to be witness to it. Out loud, exclaim, “Wow!” Yeah, even if someone is watching. Especially if someone is watching! Walk around saying “Wow!” to every little thing. Every-little-thing. Loudly.
See if you can experience the Power of Wow for yourself, and watch what happens to your outlook on life. Do you not find yourself a bit more joyful? A bit more grateful? A bit less fearful or angry, a bit more present and connected? Could you call that a “spiritual” moment? I certainly do.
“Wow!” I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch!
“Wow!” I have people I love and who love me!
“Wow!” The sun came up today and I get to see it!
“Wow!”
Just. “Wow!”
Whenever I leave Rose’s house, which I am always reluctant to do, I sing her a little song:
“You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you…”
…and under my breath, I sing the last line, “Please don’t take my sunshine away.”
I always hope that when I come to see her next week, there will something else we can be “Wowed” about together. Who knows? It might be turnips or tassels or her turtleneck sweater, now that the fall weather is coming. But I know that even if Rose isn’t there when I come next time, her “Wow!” will always stay with me, bringing me back to the awesomeness of life. To what really matters.
“Wow!”
Wow! To this writing and teaching!
I love this story.